I Need This
by lyricalemme
Summary: Zoe needs something to help her through this and it comes from and unlikely place.


Disclaimer: I own none of the character. They belong to god, I mean Joss.

Author's note: This was written by myself with the help of my dearest Wash, whom I love and adore

Soundtrack: "My Skin" Natalie Merchant and "This I Promise You" 'NSYNC

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Mal shot over the barrels and cursed. "To many of them gorram it. We need to fall back." He loaded his gun again and looked to Jayne and Zoë.

Zoë took aim and shot one in the chest. "Where are we gonna fall back to, sir?" They didn't appear to have too many options. She reloaded.

"Not here..." He motioned for the door and ran, covering his crew so they could get out back to the shuttle.

Zoë looked around and sprinted for the door. She took a couple of shots as she ran but she didn't hit anyone. She reloaded again.

One man stood up and fired shooting at her and hitting her square in the chest. Jayne shot the guy, killing him and moving to Zoë. "Zoë! Ya' all right?"

Zoë fell to the ground as everything swam away from her. She felt like she was floating, but it hurt. The pain faded as she floated up into the black.

Mal ran over seeing the blood. "She wasn't wearin' armour... that _hun dun_...get her back to _Serenity_ now!" Jayne picked up and the two ran to the shuttle.

She felt someone pick her up and heard a vice but it was so far away. She fought to hear it but it wasn't one she wanted to her. The black threatened to consume her.

And then it got very bright. Like the desert, sun setting. It was cool, but not warm. Comfortable.

She sighed. The pain was dull in her chest. She was just lying on the ground. This was peaceful.

"Shouldn't get used to it. Gets kinda borin' to stare at after a while..."

She sat up at the sound of that voice. She had been aching to hear it for what seemed to her like forever. She turned and he was standing behind her. "Wash?"

He smiled at her in his cover alls, Hawaiian shirt poking up on the collar. His hair moved in the breeze and he looked back out onto the desert. His hands were in his pockets. It was Wash, there was no doubt.

She was up in a heartbeat, arms tight around him. "Oh, God, I've missed you so much." She was crying. She couldn't help it, even if she wanted to.

He held her back tightly, nuzzling his face in her hair. "God I've missed you too..." He kissed her and just took her in, being so long since he's seen her.

She ran her hands over his face, hardly believing it was him. She didn't care how. He was holding her and that's all that mattered to her. She looked into his eyes, bluer than she remembered

"Why weren't you wearing a vest?"

She had been lost in looking at him. "What?" She realized what he asked and looked at her feet, shuffling them a bit.

"Zo...you weren't wearing a bullet vest. You're hurt...bao bei you're dying..." He frowned and pet her face, almost sensing how cold her body was becoming. "Why weren't you wearing it...?"

She looked back up at him with sad eyes. "I can't do it any more, Wash. I can't." She looked down at her feet again.

"Hey now." He frowned more and held her face. "You look at me, Zoë Washburne. You are the strongest person I know and I love you more then the world. If anyone can do this, it's you...risked my life to keep you safe, like you to stay that way..." His frown softened into a smile.

She pulled away from him, though it broke her heart to do so. She started walking. She couldn't look at him when she said this. "God, Wash, you don't know what it's like. To wake up in the middle of the night screaming because I saw it happen again in my dreams. To look up at the bridge and know you're not there. To laugh at dinner and want to lean against you, and know that I can't because you're gone." She turned back to him, tears, streaming down her face. "To feel so guilty."

He walked after her calmly, listening. "But I've been there, baby. Sitting beside you, lying with you. I've seen it all and if I wasn't already dead...it'd kill me." He reached up and pet her face. "I did what needed to be done. I saved you even before we passed through those Reavers. Made you laugh...cry...love. And then came the thrillin' real life savin'." He leaned in and kissed her. "But I did it, so you could live Zo'...for both of us."

She buried her face in his chest. "God, what I wouldn't give for you to save me from this pain. It's worse than any wound I've ever had. It's like there's this hole in my chest that aches constantly." She held onto him for dear life.

"Patience...I already had that planned _bao bei_." He smiled and held her back. He pulled back, putting his hand on her stomach. "His name will be Mark Hoban. He'll be born a little under weight, because you won't sit still...but healthy. He'll look, just like me but he'll have your strength..." He kissed her again and pulled back smiling, tears in his own eyes. "You're gonna hold that baby and meet him Zo'...just like you wanted."

She pulled back and looked up at him. "What? How did you--" She didn't know how he knew. She put her hands on his face. "_Bao bei_, how can I do this without you?" She rested her forehead against his. "How is our son supposed to grown up without you?"

"Tell him about the stars..." Wash smiled and wrapped his arms around her. "Take him to the bridge and tell him about me. Make me sound cooler then I was though. Not lying, but make the stories shinier." He smiled and kissed her nose. "He has a huge family and if I know Mal, he'll step up and help. Be the male role model the little guy will need..." He tilted her chin. "I know it's not the same...but things happen for a reason."

Zoë shook her head and closed her eyes. It hurt too much.

"Hey...look at me." She wouldn't and he sighed, nuzzling her face. "Baby...look at me please?"

She opened her eyes. She had never been able to deny him anything for long, especially not when he used that voice, the one that was begging her to do what he wanted, to make him feel better.

There were tears in his eyes. "I saved you. First time I actually did something that saved your life. Kept you alive. And I know that if you could have, you would have rather it been you then me. I wouldn't have made it if you died. I'm not strong Zo'. You kept going...because deep down, past all that pain and sadness, you knew you had too. For the little guy. You'll never lose me. Have a part of me right inside ya'. But you have to live Zoë...for him and for me..."

There were tears in her eyes and her voice shook as she spoke. It came out barely above a whisper. "I know." She took a deep breath and held him close. "I know." This time it sounded a little more determined than it had before. She knew he was right. She looked up into his eyes and wiped the tears. "I just don't want to leave you again."

He smiled and shook his head. "You think I would just leave you? I've been with you ever since then and I always will be, lookin' out for you. S'why you're not dead yet. Simon's workin' on ya' right now...and you'll live. But they're gonna find out about Mark..." He smiled wider and sighed. "Always with you...right behind ya' baby..."

She smiled at him. "Do I have to leave right this second?" She wrapped her arms tightly around him, unwilling to let go just yet. She knew she would have to, she just wasn't ready.

He looked up at the sky and thought about, smirking. "No. Not yet. Books off playing card games with Jesus and the Apostles and I don't really wanna listen to Mr. Universe ramble about hardware. I'm gonna keep you a little longer."

She laughed. She pulled back and looked around. She wished there was music. She wanted so badly to dance with him. She looked back at him and rested her head on his chest, closing her eyes.

"You want music. This is heaven, love. You can have whatever you like..." He clapped his hands and a soft melody started playing. He took her hand and held her close, twirling her about slowly. "...missed you..."

She smiled as he twirled her. She closed her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder. "I missed you too." She smiled sheepishly. "But I guess you already knew that."

He nodded and kissed her again.

She held him to that kiss, drinking him in. He tasted better than she remembered. She just kissed him. It was all she really needed.

He sighed heavily and pulled away. "You gotta wake up Zo...'

She shook her head. "No." It came out pleading. "Not yet." The tears were back.

"Hey...I'm always with you...remember?" He pet her face and kissed her tears.

She kissed him long and hard. She knew he was right. He usually was, even if she didn't want to admit it. "I love you so much, Wash," she whispered. "I don't ever think I'll be bale to tell you enough."

"...s'all right. I already know." He smiled and backed away from her a bit. "Now tell them."

She held his hand as he walked away. It slipped out of her hand and she lay back down on the ground. She looked at him one last time, drinking in the sight of him. She blew him and kiss and lay her head on the ground, closing her eyes. Why did it hurt so much?

"Zoë! Zoë...thank god...she's alive..." Simon grabbed another needle giving her a smoother to dull any pain she had.

Her head was killing her. So was her chest. She closed her eyes tighter against the harsh, bright light around her. She moaned and turned her head to the side slowly, trying to get away from the light. It hurt so bad.

Simon motioned to Mal to turn the lights down and he started an IV. "Zoë? Can you hear me?" Mal was at her side, taking her hand for support.

She moaned as she opened her eyes. "Yeah, I can hear ya, so stop your yelling." Her head was killing her. Didn't hurt as much as her chest though. She felt him take her hand and looked at him.

"_Hatsa de mana_...you scared the hell out of me..." Mal smirked at her, but it was a pissed off smirk. "Why didn't you have armor?"

Zoë swallowed. "Got stupid, sir." Figured the truth was a good option at this juncture.

"I think ya' did. But Doc patched ya' up shiny. Just need some restin'" Simon was looking at something else though, not listening to the conversation. "Doc?"

She nodded and looked over at Simon. She knew he knew. She could tell from the look on his face.

Simon didn't know if he should smile or not. "Zoë...did you know...?" Mal was all kinds of confused, but concern was growing. Was something wrong?

"Yes." Her voice came out barely above a whisper.

"Mind if I'm askin' what you know or didn't know?" Simon looked up and swallowed, not sure if he should say anything or let Zoë.

Wash said he's have to find out. "I'm pregnant." She looked at Simon when she said it. She knew he would be furious with her for not telling him sooner and for putting herself in danger like that, what with a baby to protect.

Mal sighed and took a seat on the stool. "Simon, mind if we had a minute?" Simon shook his head and left the room so they could have a moment alone. Mal looked at Zoë and squeezed her hand a little tighter. "..Why didn't you say anything?"

She closed her eyes. "Like I said, I got stupid, sir." And she had. She thought that none of it mattered. But it did. How could she honor Wash if she was dead or if she let anything happen to their child, their son?

"Just glad you're all right..." And he was. Didn't need to be losing his best friend.

Already lost his pilot and someone he trusted. But now, he could have lost her and her baby.

She looked at him. "You sure this is okay, sir?"

He gave a small hint of a smile. "Family Zoë. We have room for one more. But you need to be more careful from now on. Last thing this kid needs is to lose you too...dong ma?"

She nodded. "It's a boy, you know." She didn't feel right referring to him as an it for the next few months, not when she knew.

"You know that for a fact do ya'?" He smiled wider. "And just how would you know that. Can't be all that far along..."

She nodded. "I'm not. Wash told me." She let that sink in.

"...oh."

She smiled. "He wants you to take care of him, you know." She squeezed his hand. "Be like a dad to him."

Mal just watched her. Had she finally snapped? Though, he would have a fatherly instinct to this little one. Someone needed to watch after it and his mother. And Zoë was his best friend. "Don't surprise me he would..."

She felt sleepy. She closed her eyes. "He's here, you know," she said sleepily. She put her free hand on her shoulder, like she's holding someone's hand there.

Mal just shook his head and watched her fall asleep, sighing. Maybe she had gone loony. And then, he saw a hand there and looked up quick, seeing Wash smirking back at him. He blinked and Wash was gone. Was he losing it now too!

She smiled in her sleep. "Told you so."


End file.
